Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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