Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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