I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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