You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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