If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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