You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize