Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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