im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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