You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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