My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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