You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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