There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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