I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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