I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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