She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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