you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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