I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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