I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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