You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize