its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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