dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize