Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
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I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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