Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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