sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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