How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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