Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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