I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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