you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize