I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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