i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize