my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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