First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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