My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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