whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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