I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize