Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize