Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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