I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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