Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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