I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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