I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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