It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She announced her abortion via fbk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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