Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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