wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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