Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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