Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize