I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize