I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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