my mouth tastes like poor choices
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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