the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize