i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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