the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize